Skip to main content

Interlude 3 - Message to God #1


You said you'd lift me up.

You said you'd hold my hand.
You said you'd take my pain,
Make me understand.

You said you'd cover me.
You said you'd fill my need.
You said you'd always care,
But you stand there as I bleed.

I thought you had my back,
But now I am bleeding from it.
I thought you really loved me,
But you don't give a shit!

You really fucked me over!
You set me up just to fail!
You enjoy all my misery,
Alone in this personal hell.

What the fuck did I do?
Do to deserve this all?
Why did you build me up?
Was it to watch me fall?

I can't believe I trusted you!
You must have always hated me!
You made me into a cruel joke,
This is the only truth I see!

- Arylin Michelle (1/13/2010)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It has been quite some time...

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything to this blog so I figured I would give a bit of an update...  I am coming up on 3 years on HRT and have changed my name legally now.  My spouse and I are still together though our relationship isn't quite the same as it was, nor will it ever be again, I am just honored to still have her in my life and to have her love and support.  My family is a different story.  I don't think I will ever talk to my mother again, at least not unless she can get off her high horse and admit that she fucked up.  She wants to blame me and accuse me of making the choice to leave the family while she was the one constantly implying that she had rather I died than be trans.  She kept crossing the line I told her not to cross and I gave her multiple chances because of the simple fact that I love her and she is my mother.  Eventually she pushed too far and told me "this is goodbye" one too many times so, I ga...

On the Subject of Family

I haven’t really spoken to my mother that much since the post where I touched on the fact that I was molested as a child.   If you will recall, in that post I stated that “…and I don’t want to name them either because this person is no longer alive and I don’t want to cause their family pain.   I have never told anyone else the identity of this person and that information will go with me to my grave because enough pain has been caused by their actions, there is no need to cause more.” And I still stand by that statement which is one of the reasons I believe that she has completely avoided me since I told her that I didn’t want to tell her the name and that I wouldn’t until I was ready.   You see, after that post, I got an email from her demanding that I tell her who the individual was that molested me and despite my attempt to compromise and give her a description instead of a name she doubled down and I had to give her a firm “No” because I am not ready to tell anyone ...

My Decision About the Blog

To the few people out there that read this blog, after my next post (the ask me anything post, assuming I have any questions to answer) I am planning on shutting it down, at least for the time being.   I may occasionally put a new post up here or there but considering that there really is no point behind this blog anymore now that I am no longer talking to my mother and I never hear from my brother so I don’t know where I currently stand with him, I will only post something when I feel I really need the outlet. I was really hoping that in doing this blog I could give the people who have been so important to me throughout my life a better understanding about where I’m coming from and why I am transitioning but, you just can’t make some people care enough to see past their own insecurities.   As long as they are hung up on their own crap there is no way they will see that I am doing this because it is what I have to do, nor will they see the improvement that beginning this j...