My New Life

Being a teen is hard.   Being a teen with gender dysphoria is even harder.   For most people, it is a time in life filled with confusion and self-discovery all the while being very awkward as your body quickly matures into adulthood.   For me, it was all those things as well, only I imagine to a bit more of an extreme than what most cisgender people experience.   By that point, I already knew I was a girl on the inside and when puberty started I hoped that my body would follow suit even though, logically, I knew my body was that of a boy which would cause it to develop as a boy’s body should.   All around me the girls were in full bloom and yet I was stuck, my brain screaming one thing, and my body doing another.   As I began to get body hair in the way that boys do, I tried to act as if I were excited about it because, like my peers, I was “Becoming a man” while inside I was disgusted with the whole affair.   As the girl’s voices matured and bec...

Today I am going to talk about a few somewhat divisive subjects, Transgender people, gender dysphoria, and how Christians treat transgender people.   I have seen a lot of misinformation and a huge lack of understanding about these subjects on social media and I have some things I few things I feel need to be said about them, especially in regard to people who claim to be Christian.   First, let’s get some definitions out of the way because some people don’t seem to differentiate between some of these… Transgender – Denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.   (note: it is Transgender, not Transgendered.   Transgendered is not a thing.) Gender Dysphoria – The condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one’s biological sex. Cisgender – Denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with ...

One of the biggest lessons I have had to learn since coming to terms with being transgender and deciding to do what I have to do to keep living, is that I have had to accept the fact that I could lose everything, just for the sake of survival.   Once I knew I had no real choice (I say no real choice because the other option is death) left in the matter of whether or not to begin pursuing transition to whatever degree I would need to, I had to accept that all the fears that had held me back for so long, all the potential losses, could now happen.   I could lose my family, my friends, my job, my reputation, my financial security, my life, my access to healthcare, my place of residence… And most importantly, the person that I love the most.   I had to come to terms with that because, seeing that I had no choice (as I see it) in the matter, everyone and everything that I thought I could rely on was no longer assured to be there when I needed them.   When it comes t...

Since I have come out to my Mom as being transgender, she has asked me several times to prove the unprovable, to prove that I feel how I feel with concrete evidence.   As frustrating as that has been, because how do you prove your feelings to someone else other than telling them how you feel, it has made me do a bit of reflecting.   On top of that, I have been working through a workbook that I found on Amazon called “The Transgender Workbook – Your Guide to Womanhood” that is meant to be worked through while reading the companion book, “The Transgender Guidebook.”   I had already read the companion book previously so now I am strictly working through the workbook on its own.   Between my Mom, the guidebook, the workbook, and therapy, I have been doing a lot of reflecting about what has led me to the point that I am at in my life now. As a small child, I knew that I was not a normal boy but I didn’t know exactly what was different about me until around the age of ...

*Since the purpose of this blog is to give people some insight into how I got to the point I am currently at in my life, I figured it would be appropriate to repost a few things from the past that were posted to blogs that I had used as outlets in an effort to manage my feelings.   These posts will be labeled as interludes and will appear sporadically in between my regular posts.* I am who I am.   That will never change.   I don’t like what I am.   That will never change.   Very few people know the struggle that I live with every day of my life, even fewer know about the real me.   I want to be free to be me, but I know that that will never happen.   I want to shout from the rooftops, tell the world who I am inside, shatter the illusion I maintain for the sake of society.   I want to tell the world so that I don’t have to pretend anymore.   I want to be able to be who I am not who people think I should be.   I want to break these ch...

Hi, I figured I might as well do a brief introduction to this blog so that all of you who happen to read this can get a general sense of what it is going to be about.  For those of you who either just stumbled across this blog OR are friends and family who accessed this from Facebook or Instagram and haven’t put two and two together yet, I am a 37-year-old Lab Technician who lives in the South and was raised in the Southern Baptist Church.   I am married to one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known and I don’t know where I would be without her in my life. I am a Christian and I take my faith seriously but I think that the Church (all denominations) as a whole was lost sight of some of the key teachings of Christ.   Politically, I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal, I feel that a beneficial balance can be achieved if our nation’s leaders would grow up.  I am also transgender.   I have only recently come to terms with that part of m...

When a Transgender individual comes out to you and tells you how they feel and have felt for a long time, there are some things you really need to take into consideration. First, chances are, they have struggled with their feelings of gender dysphoria for a very long time and have been trying to keep those feelings suppressed so that they can live a “normal” life just like everyone else.  Eventually, they hit a wall, a point where they really have no choice but to deal with the disconnect between their gender and birth sex.  Different people handle this in different ways, but one thing seems to be common, either they take some measures to manage their dysphoria (it can be anything as small as little lifestyle changes, all the way up to fully transitioning.  It all depends on the person) or they end up suicidal and, in most cases, end up dead or addicted to drugs in an effort to get rid of their pain. Second, they were probably terrified to tell you about such an int...